love

love is not what we think it is. and yet it is. it does not look as we expect it to look. and then it does. it does not do cartwheels for us so we kick it to the curb. shut up love, you suck we say. it crawls back to us but we don't see it crawl. we only see it standing in our way, dirty from the gutter and we wonder why it is so smelly and why is its shirt ripped. love, you are sort of dumb we say. get out of the way. and it refuses to cry in front of us. it stands there love. it stands there and looks at us until we turn right left. what are you looking at? stop looking at me that way. i won't stand for it. and love looks and love looks and love says nothing. or maybe it says stop being stupid. and so we smack love. we call it names and we say love, you are not love. you are dumb and by the way you are ugly too and i hate myself-- i mean i hate you. and love opens its arms but we don't see it until we're ready. love waits for us to look up. sometimes we don't look up. and love loses patience. (it's love not fantasy.) love has bills to pay and sleep to get and it gets so tired waiting for us to catch up and understand. and then we look up w a i t l o v e w a i t. and it slows its pace and picks up its left arm, stretches it back a little with its head bowed and waits for us to catch up and swing in beside its warm gate, left right left in unison.

till next time anyway.