i win, you win, nobody wins

it's a bright thanksgiving morning. 10:40am and already 3 phone calls and myriad emails answered. last night's snow is ice on the pavement. last night's dinner is rumbling in the belly. and last night's play (yes yes the mystery of irma vep--starring john seibert and john lepard) is still in mind. as is the ethical discussion i had with nurse ellen on the way there, and the friend-versus-expectation argument i had with boyfriend vince just before curtain.

here's what all signs point to: people's "ethics" are driven by their expectations and perspective. and sadly everybody (at least folk i usually come across) wants to "be right"--or, perhaps better, to "win."

(for a nearly unbelievable example of a too close examination of this simple truth and how it gets us all into awful trouble: stella awards 2004.)

it's all so base(ic) really. the difference is in how broad or narrow your vision, how articulate your speech, how selfish or slippery you want to be, and how bad you want to stop pounding your round ideas into someone else's square head (or vice versa).

and so. i've decided and will redecide every time it happens--if i remember--patience is a virtue (that's why is so fucking hard, duh), and from now on when i need to halt an escalating argument, i'll simply say: "you win."

maybe maybe i'll hear my own scolding.