i am an innocent bystander, says the dreamer of her dream

this morning's dream contained the dream version of my dad and one of my brothers. the dad told the brother that he(the brother)'s got to do better. the brother didn't like this news. he gaffawed, which is male-dream-brother code for cried into the crook of his blue flannel-shirted arm. the brother said something that sounded like: rootbeer!? then he walked away shaking his head not understanding why the dad would want him the brother(the son) to accept or welcome a friendship with the stepmom(she does not make appearance in the dream)'s foresaken love. (in the dream it is understood that, pre-dream, the stepmom has given up a lover in order to marry the dad.) none of this makes any practical dream-or-otherwise sense to the brother. he does not want to attend a birthday party. he does not want to extend a welcoming hand to a foresaken lover who is not even real. he does not understand the dream father's thinking at all. not at all.

what goes on in our heads? how do we become such bystanders in our own lives?