The Fear
"i started to notice it when i bought the house."
"what, The Fear?"
"yeah, The Fear."
this is a true excerpt from a recent conversation i overheard during dinner a few nights ago. friends were talking about the settling in of The Fear, that strange and stiffening thing that cages your dreams and puts cement boots on your desire.
talk moved to "what ifs"... what if i could get that job i want, what if my boss treated me the way s/he used to... what if i just coast for another year or two -- or three... what if i magically become happy again without any effort...
what if
what if
what if
what if i told you it takes the same amount of emotional energy and physical toil to remain as it does to change. why, then, do we think that the hardest thing to do is move. move your thoughts, move youself out of comfort. like a battered wife, sometimes it seems easier to take the pain of staying, of knowing the ritual, of counting 1-2-3 until the next expected thing comes...next.
but how dangerous. how exciting. how motIvating to stretch.
to hurt and feel good in entirely different ways.
to meet ouselves outside of our element.
to challenge our capacities. our limits. our needs.
to expaaaaaaaaaaaaaand.
what if you slink smooch stagger-step your way toward something. crawl around in the dirty gray areas. breathe other air.
scary? yep. worth it. yep. but that's just me. it's hard work being a real human being.
"what, The Fear?"
"yeah, The Fear."
this is a true excerpt from a recent conversation i overheard during dinner a few nights ago. friends were talking about the settling in of The Fear, that strange and stiffening thing that cages your dreams and puts cement boots on your desire.
talk moved to "what ifs"... what if i could get that job i want, what if my boss treated me the way s/he used to... what if i just coast for another year or two -- or three... what if i magically become happy again without any effort...
what if
what if
what if
what if i told you it takes the same amount of emotional energy and physical toil to remain as it does to change. why, then, do we think that the hardest thing to do is move. move your thoughts, move youself out of comfort. like a battered wife, sometimes it seems easier to take the pain of staying, of knowing the ritual, of counting 1-2-3 until the next expected thing comes...next.
but how dangerous. how exciting. how motIvating to stretch.
to hurt and feel good in entirely different ways.
to meet ouselves outside of our element.
to challenge our capacities. our limits. our needs.
to expaaaaaaaaaaaaaand.
what if you slink smooch stagger-step your way toward something. crawl around in the dirty gray areas. breathe other air.
scary? yep. worth it. yep. but that's just me. it's hard work being a real human being.
posted by stacy muszynski at 11:06 AM
4 Comments:
it's hard work just being real.
Boy, am I ever learning this one. Really facing that fear and making myself stretch and grow and get where i need to go.
amen ladies. amen.
i want to be real... but this facade has taken on a life of its own.
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